Imagine a life where you’re raised for the sole purpose of being food. No freedom, no social life, and to top it off, some guy takes your dead carcass and shoves a beer can up your ass. Payback is a bitch.
We had big plans for dinner on Friday. It started with Wittekerke beer, a canned Belgian from Trader Joe’s. This beer was bland as can be, so I drank most of it quickly, leaving a quarter of the can, then added some Avery 14’er to get the can to the halfway mark, along with some poultry seasoning. We coated the bird with olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic and more poultry seasoning. Preparation being done we shoved the can inside the bird, covered the grill in foil and left it alone, anticipating tasty chicken in about an hour.
The wife and I took the baby for a bath and upon returning our friend told us the chicken had revolted, blowing the foil off of it. I asked how the bird looked and he replied, fine, but covered in flames. I thought this was a funny joke, but 5 minutes later I realized it was no joke. The foil burst open in a huge flame. The bird was black, and thoroughly burned. Our dinner was ruined. And there on the ground, laughing at us, was the smoking chicken.
We settled for grilled veggies, and I washed them down with plenty of beer.
We’re off to Myers Flat where I plan on grabbing some more beer. Pictures of the sad chicken will follow.
Update: Here are the pictures!